Whoopi Goldberg is an EGOT-winning legend, a great-grandmother, and a woman who has walked down the aisle three times. But perhaps her most relatable role yet is that of a fierce advocate for unapologetic self-love and emotional independence.
In her refreshingly blunt book, If Someone Says, “You Complete Me,” RUN!, Whoopi challenges the toxic narratives society feeds us about romance.
“There are a lot of books out there telling women how to snare a man, with all the tricks you can use to get a man and keep him,” Whoopi writes. “But where is the book telling women to be happy in themselves, and to figure out what they want, and to become the people they want to be so that any relationship that comes out from that is based on a real connection, a real friendship, between two whole people?”
For anyone on a journey of personal wellness and self-discovery, Whoopi’s message is a vital one: Stop letting pop culture brainwash you with fairy-tale expectations, and start doing the inner work to complete yourself.
Here are 13 of our favourite, unfiltered pearls of wisdom from Whoopi’s guide to relationship reality:
1. Release the Pressure of “Forever”
“As we look at the lists of animals that choose to mate for life, humans are nowhere to be found… Maybe if we knew that when we got together with someone or got married, that it didn’t have to be for life, perhaps we would be better at it.”
2. Embrace Our Longevity
“Up until the last century, who lived past forty? They didn’t have time for more than one or two spouses. They had no choice but to stay together, because they were dead before they knew it.”
3. Accept People as They Are
“If your man was messing around when you met him, he will be messing around after you marry him.”
4. Ditch the Toxic Conditioning
“All the romantic songs of the fifties and sixties created a bunch of hopeless romantics—no wonder the seventies turned into the decade of divorce… I love these songs… They just send the wrong message.”
5. Prioritise Real-Life Intimacy Over Screen Time
“Once you get past all of the electronics you still have to do the flesh on flesh. You still have to meet. You still have to connect somehow in a way that is real and meaningful if you are going to make a real friend.”
6. Honour Your Intuition
“Some people just love ignoring the big red flags. It’s called denial.”
7. Live in the “Truth Pool”
“Some people believe it’s okay to tell little lies here and there in a relationship. I’m not a believer in that philosophy… I would stay in the truth pool. Getting in the bullshittian pool is no good… In the truth pool, the sun is brighter, your life is better, and everything is easier and simpler.”
8. Protect Your Energy
“Sex makes people nuts. Sex makes people possessive. Sex makes people boastful. Sex makes people lie… Sexual desire becomes like a jail.”
9. Own Your Desires Without Shame
“I myself am a hit-and-run artist… I don’t want a relationship, yet occasionally I want a little sex. Women don’t do this nearly enough… It is a huge double standard.”
10. Reject Expiration Dates
“You get to be a certain age, things dry up. It just does. Changes happen, things fall, things spread. Age can be a big thing for women. It drives fear, and that is utter bullshit. Women are afraid that once they get older, men will no longer find them attractive. That there’s some sort of expiration date on them. The truth of the matter is you never know who is going to find you attractive.”
11. Practice Financial Wellness
“Just because you find the person you want to walk through life with, doesn’t mean it will continue until the end of time. So in the event that there’s a seismic change, get the prenup. Then you can walk away with what you walked in with, and maybe a little more.”
12. Remove the Rose-Coloured Glasses
“First and foremost marriage is a contract, a legal and financial agreement… Too often the mythology we were raised on really affects how we go into this serious contract, giving us nothing but a bunch of romantic notions of how wonderful life is going to be. Believe me, Prince Charming will turn into Darth Vader once you get him into divorce court.”
13. You Are the Whole Sundae
“Only by being fulfilled as a person are you going to avoid expecting someone else to provide all that for you… A romantic relationship is the whipped cream on top of the sundae and not the whole sundae.”
If Someone Says “You Complete Me”, RUN!: Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships is published by Hachette Australia. (Trade paperback $RRP29.99, ebook $16.99).
If someone says “you complete me”, RUN!: Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships. Published by Hachette Australia, Trade paperback $RRP29.99, ebook $16.99
