Max Blumberg, a psychologist and researcher at London’s Goldsmiths University, says if there’s no conflict at all, it could be a sign that your relationship is too dull.
“Or that one of you might be walking all over the other,” he tells the Daily Mail.
Max says the key signs for lasting love are what happens after the dust settles.
He explains more below as he shares his top five signs of happiness.
1. You do more than kiss and makeup when it’s over
“Having make-up sex is a good thing – and from a female perspective it’s critical,” says Max, but adds that the physical makeup should always come after the verbal one.
“If a woman stops having sex in a relationship, it shows disengagement, which is the worst state to be in. Even conflict, is preferable.
“If you are fighting at least you are interested enough in each other to argue.”
2. You have six good experiences together for every bad one
“If there’s much less than that, it’s not a good sign,’ explains Max, who researched the mathematics of a happy relationship for his pHD.
“It’s necessary to have an argument in a relationship – but the key is the ratio. And it’s also important that the conflicts are being resolved properly.”
Max believes good conflict resolution comes from being able to air you differences in an unemotional way.
“You need to wait at least three or four hours before your chemicals re-balance and that wild feeling subsides so you can discuss the matter calmly.”
3. You are happy doing nothing together
So how do you tell if your relationship is pragmatic, which means its both rational and realistic?
“One strong defining feature is that you can be quiet together – and do absolutely nothing,” maintains Max.
“It’s about finding someone you can muck along with. It’s a very practical type of relationship – but studies show they work.”
4. You talk about yourselves
Max advises a relationship heart-to-heart at least every couple of months, unless it’s a new relationship. “You need to be about six months down the line,” he advises.
You don’t have to label it as a serious talk but start the conversation by saying something positive about the relationship.
‘It could be a simple matter of saying: “I really enjoy our relationship, how do you feel about it?” or “Is there anything you think we can do to improve our relationship? I want you to be as happy as I am.”‘
5. Your friends approve (mostly)
If you find it hard to trust your own gut then you need to listen to your friends, your mum or other members of your family, believes Max.
“Don’t listen to one friend, who might have an issue, but try to get a general sense from a few.”
What if you end up staying with him despite their views? ‘It doesn’t matter,’ says Max, “They don’t have to be best friends – as long as you don’t hold it against them!”
