So why is it that after starting a relationship with so much enthusiasm, eagerness, promise and potential that many fall into slumps, boredom and complacency?
Megan Luscombe, a Melbourne based Relationship Coach, believes it’s because we’re sold a fallacy that if a relationship is right, it should be easy. This alone is one of the biggest myths with romantic relationships.
Many of us entered into our relationships following the same textbook routine:
Eyes met, heart skipped beats, the chase, romantic gestures, ‘You’re the one’ conversations, sharing your (better) self, commitment to the relationship (fidelity), sex and so on.
However, after this merry-go-round of emotional highs and great sexual epiphanies hits its peak (aka ‘the honeymoon phase’), relationships can plateau and become routine before we’re left with a confusing choice; is it time to leave to find it elsewhere or choose to continue breathing excitement into what you have?
Most would agree that love is a personal subject that’s hard to define. However I describe it as a conscious choice and effort specifically for your partner bringing a feeling of contentment and joy.
So if you want ways to improve or revitalise your relationship as it matures over time, here are some tips to ensure it goes from strength to strength.
Here are Megan’s five tips to improve your relationship
TIP 1: Understand what produces feelings of excitement for you both:
It might be sex, a fun night out, tasty dinner, great conversation etc. whatever! Once you know each other’s, spend time focusing on it. You’ll be able to encourage some great feelings and have some incredible moments ahead.
TIP 2. Stop unnecessary relationship pressures
Your relationship isn’t a romantic novel or movie; it’s real. Stop expecting you’ll always feel a certain way and to just ‘be’ however you are. Encourage honesty and keep communication channels open. Once pressure and expectation regarding how you’re ‘supposed’ to feel have been removed, you’ll thrive in being/feeling however you want.
TIP 3. Have ‘me’ time
There is such a thing as TOO much time together because it can foster boredom and routine. Why not venture out and do something by yourself? Independence in any relationship encourages new conversations and experiences. It also establishes new intimacies. Don’t be boring or complacent. Those things only exist because both partners allow it.
TIP 4. Encourage spontaneity
Remember when you first got together and you were always up for new things? Get those people back and do something out of the ordinary. Try something new as a couple.
TIP 5. Communicate what you want
Relationships won’t change if you’re not talking. If you want something you’ve got to have the confidence and initiative to ask. Nobody can read minds. Talking openly is vital for long-term survival, security, fulfillment and happiness.
A relationship is a journey involving many twists, turns and roundabouts. They will only improve to the level you are willing to change them and everyone deserves to have one they love!
Megan Luscombe is a Melbourne based Relationship Coach (certified) who works with individuals, couples and families in private or workshop environments. Visit www.startingtodaycoaching.com.au for more information or upcoming workshops.Â
