It is the question so many parents of boys ask: how do I help my son grow into a good man in today’s world? The answer often starts with conversations, lots of them, and not just the dreaded “sex talk”.
Former King’s School headmaster and educator Dr Tim Hawkes explored this in his book Ten Conversations You Must Have With Your Son. His central idea is simple: boys need guidance on the big things in life, and the best guidance happens through regular, honest talk.
Start with love
Media commentator Suzanne Mostyn, mother of two boys, once put it beautifully: you can never tell a son, or a daughter, enough that they are loved. Feeling secure is the foundation that makes every other conversation easier.
Conversations worth having
- Feelings. It is OK to cry, to feel scared and to ask for help. Boys who can name their emotions cope better with stress.
- Respect. Talk about consent, kindness and treating everyone as an equal, online and off.
- Responsibility. Owning mistakes, keeping promises and pulling their weight at home.
- Friendship. What makes a good mate, and how to walk away from people who drag you down.
- Bodies and health. Puberty, sleep, exercise and why looking after yourself matters.
- Screens and social media. Pornography, gaming and the pressure to perform online.
- Money and work. Earning, saving and finding purpose in what they do.
How to make the conversations happen
Boys often open up side by side rather than face to face. Car trips, walks, cooking together or shooting hoops can be the perfect moment. Keep it light, keep it regular and, most importantly, listen. As broadcaster Adam Boland has said, you can be both a parent and a friend, and that trust is what makes your advice land.
When to get help
If your son seems withdrawn, anxious or not himself for more than a couple of weeks, talk to your GP or a counsellor. Services such as Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) are available 24/7 for young people.
For more on raising happy kids and strong relationships, visit our Dating and Relationships guide.
